WWE RAW Reflections: 16/02/2009
-So, that PPV I hate so much happened Sunday night. For the most part, I didn’t enjoy it, what with The H’s winning the Title, and a really dull undercard (although the Shawn Michaels-Breastshaw match was enjoyable). HOWEVER, the fact that Edge won the World Championship using sweet HEEL TRIX made up for it all…
-And this is how we kick off RAW. With a happy-go-lucky Edge! Which is good, because when Edge is happy, I’m happy. Edge came out to remind us how fucking awesome of a Heel he is, by telling us how WRONG we are. Especially snotty-nosed little kids, who will grow up to be WRONGWRONGWRONG. Now, this kind of awesomeness is almost always ruined by John Cena, but not this time. Mostly because Edge and Cena have AMAZING chemistry. This exchange between Cena and Edge serves two purposes. One, to set up the Rematch on SmackDown. Two, to remind me of that awesome segment, years ago, when Edge and Lita broke into the Cena House and beat the shit out of Cena’s dad, MISTER Cena. Cena Cena Cena. Cena.
-In the back, our main event is Shane McMahon and Randy Orton in an UNSANCTIONED FIGHT OMG!!
-At first, I was worried that we were going to get Simply Priceless/Cryme Tyme III(!!!). Thankfully, it turned into a six-way match, with regal and CM Punk added, making it less awful. Ted DiBiase’s new finisher looks fucking awesome.
-In the back, the McMahon children are squabbling. Ugh.
-Back from break… Jericho and Piper’s exchange was awesome. No extra emphasis, or bombastic qualifiers. It was just simply awesome. Piper cut one of the best promos I have seen on this show since… well, Foley and Flair’s feud, at least, and the whole segment almost completely returned Jericho to the top tier of Heeldom, after that embarrassing “Apology to the Fans” a while ago. Also, Piper seems to be getting his weight under control, I think. Good for him.
-In the Back, Nadd Grisham is with Randy Orton, who basically agrees to tonight’s OMG UNSANCTIONED FIGHT OMG!!!
-HARK! DO YOU SEE WHAT I SEE? That… By jove, That’s a CRUISERWEIGHT WITH A MICROPHONE! He must be DESTROYED! RELEASE THE HOSSES! Kane obliterates Jamie Noble for no good reason. No good reason at all. That’ll teach Jamie Noble for being born so small.
-Back from break, Breastshaw is here to say he made good on his business deal with Ol’ Man Hickenbottom (BOO! RESPONSIBLE BUSINESSMAN!!) and instead caring about being in the Main Event Title match, he wants to end The Undertaker’s Streak, now. Good to see failure doesn’t keep Breastshaw down. Anyway, Shawn Michaels says that HE wants to end the streak, so next week, Shawn vs Breastshaw, winner gets to face the Undertaker at WrussleMunya. I smell a Three-Way.
-So. Can Mike Knox v. Rey Mysterio be over NOW? PLEASE?! Aw, c’mon! Just end this stupid non-feud already! Do it for me, please? 
-Didn’t pay attention to Melina vs. Beth Phoenix. I apologize.
-WWE HALL OF FAM INDUCTION VIDEO PACKAGE: The Funk Brothers. Because they’re in Texas, you see. I thought that Terry would NEVER agree to this. Surprise!
-You know how you can tell the McMahons are doing all right with their finances? They’re so well-off, Stephanie can throw around $400 Cellular Telephones whenever she wants to!
-So, um. Yeah. Unsanctioned Fight. That’s a different way to end RAW. It was pretty dull until Randy RKOed the SHIT out of Stephanie, causing The H’s to suddenly appear and BRAKE TE H KAYFABEZ by tending to his secret wife. Which sets up WrussleMunya’s Main Event.
-Yes, you are not seeing things. I actually, seriously liked tonight’s show. While it was indeed promo-heavy, they were good promos, so that forgives the three actual wrestling matches. And besides, they needed a show like this to FINALLY get their wheels moving on the ROAD TO WRUSSLEMUNYA! You see what I did there? I am awesome.
-END.