WWE RAW Reflections - 12/01/2009
-Yes indeed, you people get a special treat this week! Two, count’em, TWO reviews this week! Thanks to everyone who gave kind words to my sober review of TNA Genesis, to which I promise that this week, I’ll actually be funny! Or angry! We’ll see! On with the show!
Also, TCR Fans, do not fret, comics are on the way!
-We start off RAW the way most awful SNL sketches start, with an opening shot of the supposed location of the sketch! Breastshaw’s Limo. Deep inside, Breastshaw is lecturing his man servant, Shawn Michaels. Apparently tonight, it’s Shawn’s WrestleMania, implying that Shawn DOESN’T get a Wrestlemania. Shawn gathered this as well, and didn’t look too happy about it. Cena vs. Michaels TO-NITE!
-At ringside, Stephanie McBreasts saunters out for our opening promo, shich sounds really patronizing, until Chris Jericho AWESOMELY interrupts her so he can call her a Liar, just because, and promises to confront Vince next week with his laundry list of complaints. After a verbal spat, Stephanie FIRES Jericho for… disagreeing with her. Next week’s Vince return just got a whole lot palatable.
-… Because now, Jericho is GUARENTEED to crash the affair now, you see.
-Back from break, Chris Jericho is being escorted out of the arena, and I feel really bad for him right now. 
-You know, The Miz doesn’t get nearly enough credit. Even though he’s a former Reality TV star, and even though he got his contract with WWE in the first place through a TV contest, the Miz has become something of a capable wrestler. Granted, he’s no Bryan Danielson or Lance Storm, but still, The Miz really held his own against Rey. And, to be honest, you can’t say Rey carried The Miz, because Rey looked kind of sloppy last night, in contrast. Good work, Miz.
-Backstage, Candice Michelle is attempting to annoy CM Punk by talking to him, but Punk totally blows her off, which is totally FUCKING AWESOME.
-You know, I was VERY Mad about being tricked out of a real, actual match between William Regal and CM Punk AGAIN… until I learned that their rematch will happen next week in Chicago, CM Punk’s hometown. I have to say, WWE Creative got the drop on me on this one. Nice work. With that in mind, it’s MUCH better that they didn’t pull the trigger last week or this week…
-… but if they swerve me for a THIRD Time, I will hurt something.
-Backstage, Cody Rhodes and Mickie James are having an akward, FAKE conversation about the weather, until Afa Jr. and Jimmy Snuka Jr. accost Cody, telling him that BAD THINGS will happen to Randy Orton tonight. You know, there’s something oddly natural about an Afa Jr.-Snuka Jr. tag team.
-True Story: When WWE ran their video package of Stone Cold being inducted into the WWE Hall of Fame, my brother asked if Stone Cold died. Yeah, it was just a TAD overdramatic.
-Backstage, Breastshaw is lecturing Ol’ Man Hickenbottom further about “His WrestleMania,” but Shawn gets all lippy. Don’t THINK you won’t get a paycut for that, Shawn…
-As indicated last week, I did not care about Orton vs. Kane, so I didn’t bother watching. What I DID watch was the return of Ted DiBiase Jr… which was NICELY done. I’m glad that the rumours were false about making him a face, because he is just so naturally heel. Also, Simply Priceless is better off as a tag team anyway.
-Backstage, Nadd Grisham is with John Cena, who is WAY too friendly with Nadd. Seriously, dude, respect his personal space. Cena Blah blah blahs what he usually blahs about.
-Jillian Hall and Beth Phoenix vs. Melina and Kelly Kelly doesn’t happen, because that Rosa Perez has managed to cunningly disguise herself with a baseball hat! HOLY SHIT HEEL TRIX! She’s so damn good, she should be a SPY! I mean, to fool WWE’s crack security team (the bald white guy and the large black guy), that takes some CIA/KGB skills, right there.
-ROYAL RUMBLE ROLL CALL! It’s not the same without the old Royal Rumble music…
-Backstage, The Legacy is congratulating themselves over their MASTERFUL Heel Scheme… of tricking a recently-brought up developemntal guy and the dude who, six months ago, was wrestling in a shitty “nostalgia gimmick” tag team? Wow, way to pull the wool over everyone’s eyes there, guys.
-Further backstage, various comedy midcarders are in line outside of Stephanie McBreasts’ office, hoping to get into the Rumble. Eurotrash Superstar is in, and makes sure to squeeze in some of his trademark fractured English. Homecheeses lol.
-Even FURTHER Backstage, Shawn Michaels, accompanied by his handler Breastshaw, is on his way to ringside! Does Breastshaw just follow Shawn Michaels around everywhere, now?
-COMMERCIAL: An American Carol looks fucking stupid. So stupid, it doesn’t even look rentable.
-Honestly, I wanted to watch the main event this week. Shawn Michaels and John Cena indeed have great chemistry, and have not disppointed in the past, like that HOUR LONG match on Free TV they had two years ago. Unfortunately, circumstances prevented me from watching it. I have failed you.
-All in all, I think I actually… kind of liked that. It wasn’t AMAZING or very compelling, just easy-to-digest television, and after the genuine disappointment of TNA Genesis, that’s what I was looking for. It could also be the magic of the Royal Rumble, which seems to be everyone’s secret favourite PPV event. You know, the one you cheat on WrestleMania with. Anyway, as long as WWE doesn’t fuck with me again, next week should be better, solely because we get Regal and CM Punk. FOR FREE. And also, assuming Vince doesn’t have another mood swing, Harry Smith should be debuting soon, possibly even next week.
-END.